Being Tina
by bumblebutter
Summary: RPF about Jenna Ushkowitz. Jenna is happy for her castmates but sometimes feels as though she's just part of the Glee package


Title: Just like Tina

Pairings/ Characters: Jenna Ushkowitz mainly, mentions of other cast members and crew.

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'Tina is the Punk, Rock, Gothic stutterer. She's got her blue hair and her blue nails and she's really quiet and shy and dark and, you know, I think that she really shines with her friends and the glee club where she can just kinda be herself and hide behind this mask of this, you know, gothic façade'

Jenna shut down the you tube page. Over a year ago now, back when they were promoting the first series, she had done interviews, discussing her character and what the audience could expect from her. It disappointed her that she felt she hadn't delivered.

Tina didn't shine among the Glee club and Jenna didn't shine among the cast- that role belonged to the Lea's and the Chris's.

She was happy for them, of course she was. Even from the beginning she knew Lea was the lead, it would be ridiculous to assume that she would get equal attention or screen time with the girl who played Rachel Berry. But still, everyone talked about how Lea was a Broadway veteran, how she had been performing on stage since she was eight years old, how Lea had a once-in-a-generation voice. They all forgot that Jenna had also been on stage since the age of nine, in hit shows such as 'The King and I', how she to, had been a part of 'Spring Awakening'- the very show everyone credited Lea with.

Every time Ryan referred to Lea as 'child star' she sat back and smiled. Lea _was _a 'child star', but so was she.

Ryan constantly promised that Tina would get an interesting storyline, but so far, it hadn't happened. Jenna remembered her audition, Ryan had told her that they hadn't quite figured Tina out yet and could she do a little improvising. She had and they'd obviously liked her enough to cast her, obviously thought she had mapped out a direction for this character but twenty-two episodes later and Tina was arguably the least developed character of the bunch.

It hurt because Chris had been in the same position. Ryan had obviously seen something in this kid, wrote a character for him and even allowed him help shape Kurt's story arc.

Chris was sweet kid, and a great friend but sometimes, she was jealous that a guy fresh out of high school with very little professional experience had became such a breakout. Kurt was a well-loved character, some would even argue an icon, his storyline's were always a hit with critics, yet no body ever noticed Tina.

She remembered her lines about Tina being shy and pushing people away to the point where they would just ignore her. She had assumed that with Tina's revelation that she wanted to be noticed she finally would. Jenna had waited for the script where Tina finally came into her own, bringing Jenna into the spotlight with her- it never happened.

Even when it seemed the writers were headed for this they back tracked. 'Theatricality' was supposed to be her episode; the way 'Home' was Chris's and 'Dream on' was Kevin's. Yet, the script didn't suggest this. Instead she got in few jokes about vampires while Lea, Chris and Cory handled the heavy scenes.

Even her song, 'Bad Romance', wasn't really her song. Everyone had at least one whole solo to themselves during the back nine, except for herself, like always, Jenna had to share the spotlight.

Ryan had vaguely discussed upcoming storylines with the group, telling of a love triangle between Tina, Artie and Mike. It had potential, after all, the show had handled this type of romantic drama before, yet she was still doubtful. What if the triangle would be mentioned once and shoved into the background for the rest of the season, only to resurface when Artie got an episode, like last time? As a series regular it was unbelievable that sometimes she would go episodes having the same amount and dialogue as Harry, who was only a guest cast, hired mainly for his dancing skills.

Ryan had also hinted at a Britney Spears episode, one of Jenna's favourite artists, but she didn't get her hopes up that she might actually be allowed to sing a solo. No, that was Heather's job. Heather, who had such little screen time and dialogue but had turned her character into a major success and an integral part of the comedy on the show. Heather had paid her dues and now she was being rewarded. Did Jenna just not shine on screen? Did they all forget about her? Was it her fault that she hadn't pushed for more storylines?

When the emmy nominations came about Jenna didn't even bother checking to see if she'd received one. Oh, she'd put her name forth for submission, but everyone did that. Did she actually believe she had a shot? No, you had to be given material for that. What episode would she submit anyway?

Of course she was happy for Lea, Jane, Matthew and Chris, along with every other nomination the show had received, she'd celebrated with them and been proud of the fact that she was a part of such as successful show. Yet, when the party had died down, Jenna wondered whether she would ever be given an opportunity to win an award for her work, a validation that she was good at what she did.

Tina's small storylines would get overlooked, and really, Jenna couldn't blame them.

Jenna stood up and put on her coat, preparing to go and do another group interview, where she was barely asked a thing, made to sit in the background and be part of the cast as a whole. She wondered if she was only asked along as part of the package, whether or not they would care if she showed up. Probably, only because they would want the full set, not because they particularly cared about Tina or what Jenna had to say. Even the guy at comic-con couldn't be bothered to think up something other than if she liked vampire shows during the mandatory first questions for each of the cast.

Jenna sighed. Another day of being forgotten and shoved to the back. She couldn't even care enough to open tomorrow's script and learn her one line, if she'd been given that much.

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Reviews are much appreciated, thanks J


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